i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
