like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
