If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
