I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize