high people should be assigned attendants
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
