I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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