Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
