My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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