did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
