Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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