New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
