apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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