I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
