I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
