Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
