Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Are my feet made of real feet?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
