I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
