Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
