no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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