if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
