Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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