she woke up with a sticky ear
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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