what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
