i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
