she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
