You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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