I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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