Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
