i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
