is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
