I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize