i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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