I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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