Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
