goodnight i made you a song goodbye
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
