Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
