fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
