Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
