batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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