At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
