I have demons in me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize