Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
