I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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