Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
