I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
