and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
