Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
