Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
