I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
