let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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