Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
