Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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