I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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