If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
