if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
