you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
