Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
