the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
