Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
