I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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