thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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