In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
