I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
