You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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