I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
