Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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