Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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