i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
