; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
