you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
