I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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