Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
