Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
