i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
