Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize