I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
