she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
