those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize