Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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