I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
