I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
