i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
