fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
