We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
