Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
