Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The air taste purple.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
