He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize