I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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