96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
