The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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