we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
