Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
