How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
