they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
