Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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