my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
