I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
