I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
