And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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