This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
