i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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