Umm I'm too high to move.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she peed on how many people?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
