For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
