remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
