Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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