Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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