i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
