I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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