no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
