O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
