I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
