Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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